Thursday 26 January 2012

New Beginnings

Everybody wants happiness.  Nobody wants pain.
But you can't have a rainbow, without a little rain.

I did it!!!  After 2 bouts of surgery, 6 rounds of chemo and 25 session of radiation, I did it!!  I am ecstatic to say that I finished all of my treatment on Thursday 12th January 2012 - another date I don't think I will ever forget.  It nearly didn't happen though.  On Monday 9th January I arrived early for my radiation appointment as I wanted to see the nurses prior to the treatment.  My skin was so badly burnt (even more so than the last photo saved on my blog) and I was very concerned about it.  The nurse on duty was lovely but was also very worried about my burns and asked me to go home and return later in the morning - once the doctor had arrived.  I arrived home to Ryan and just burst into tears.  I just couldn't believe  there maybe a chance I would have to stop the treatment when I was only 4 sessions away from the finish line.  Ryan returned with me later that morning and I saw the doctor, who after assessing the burns, was happy for me to continue as long as I was very careful over the next few days.  If it had been any longer than 4 days they definitely would have made me stop and return at a later date.  It was crucial I gave the area regular salt water soaks and used the special prescribed creams to help the area heal but more importantly, to avoid the onset of infection.  I also had to visit the nurses before and after each session for them to dress the burns.  


I can definitely say that I was one of the unlucky ones who burnt quite badly throughout this process.  I found it interesting to hear from the nurses that it is impossible for them to pick exactly who will burn and who won't.  The radiographers were saying that they may have a dark skinned lady burn quite badly one day and the next day a very fair lady who doesn't burn at all! 


I really can't tell you how I felt walking out for the last time - there were so many mixed emotions..... sore, relief, happiness, sadness, etc.  Ryan asked me how I would like to celebrate the end of my treatment and all I really wanted to do was to go down to the beach and enjoy some Moet and this is exactly what we did!  Our wonderful families joined us and it was perfect.


We continued the celebrations by heading down to Busselton for a little camping holiday a couple of days after my last radiation treatment.  We really enjoy camping and we had a fantastic time!  Some lovely friends joined us and Ryan's parents came down for a night also.    The weather was amazing, in fact the first couple of days were really hot so I had to be super careful my burns weren't exposed to the sun in any way.


We arrived home from camping just in time to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary!  My lovely sister Lizzy came over and looked after our girls whilst we enjoyed an amazing 6 course degustation menu at Fraser's in Kings Park.  It was absolutely fantastic and I highly recommend it!  It was a lovely way to celebrate a year that was definitely one of our hardest and one we will never forget.  I can't thank Ryan enough for absolutely everything he does for me and our girls - he is wonderful!


On Thursday 19th January, I had my 'follow up' consultation with my surgeon, Dr Willsher.  We spoke about my Chemo treatment and radiation and he checked my mastectomy scar and burns.  We then spoke about reconstructive surgery and my decision to have my other breast removed at the time of this surgery.  I really want to try and take the element of risk  away and my surgeon is happy with my decision and supports me all the way (especially due to my age).  I hope to have this done in late July / early August 2012.  I want to give my body a really good rest from all of my treatment before I head back into hospital for more surgery.  It is quite a major operation and I will be in hospital for at least 10 days and will take approx 6 weeks to recover - something I am really not looking forward to.  


Now that all of my treatment is finished, the question I am asked on a regular basis is 'where to from here'?  Unfortunately I won't know if all of my treatment has worked until June 2012.  Exactly 12 months after my diagnosis and 6 months after my treatment, I will need to go and have all of my scans done again.  No doubt this is going to be a tough day and I just hope I am drinking a glass of champagne at the end of it!


Once again I am extremely grateful for everyone's wonderful support and I must thank Hayles & Neil, Lizzy & Stevie and Trace & Darren for the lovely flowers and for Dee & Heath for the beautiful gift box I received on celebrating the end of my treatment. I feel very special - thank you!  


It is a strange and sometimes frightening feeling not having any current treatment.  I am sure some people may think that because I am out of the stages of having treatment, I am fine.  I'm not sure how I feel about this as I'm sure I will still have some sad days now and then.  My support group often speaks about feelings especially when treatment is over.  Treatment is kind of like a safety net - surely nothing can happen to us when on treatment?!


I really want to close this post with a status a friend recently wrote on Facebook (thanks Alsy!) - it perfectly sums up how I feel.


I am a very lucky girl that can quite proudly say if you measure my wealth by how many amazing friendships I have, then I would be a billionaire ten times over!

Ryan and I toasting the end of my 
treatment and new beginnings

Ryan and I celebrating 9 very happy years

Ryan and I at Tami's 30th Birthday 
(wish I had some eyelashes!)

My inspiration - my gorgeous little family at 
Jaz's surf life saving (Scarboro SLS nippers!)

Sunday 8 January 2012

Burnt to a crisp

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends and I hope 2012 brings you lots of love, fun and happiness but more importantly I hope it brings you all excellent health!

I was very happy to see 2011 come to an end - in fact, it couldn't come quick enough.  I never in my wildest dreams thought it would turn out the way it did and it certainly did turn my life upside down and inside out!  

Unfortunately my treatment didn't finish in 2011 which is a shame.  It will finish on Thursday 12th January 2012 at 8.15am!  My treatment card was finalised today (showing my very last radiation time) and noted underneath was 'finished - well done!'  Unfortunately though, radiation hasn't been a walk in the park like I thought it might have been (compared to Chemo anyway).  The first few weeks were fine and I thought I might breeze through the treatment but I am doing it tough now.  The burns are horrendous and with 21 sessions complete, part of my skin is like charcoal.  My poor burnt skin is now peeling back to show raw pink skin and it makes me sick to think that tomorrow they will have to perform the 22nd radiation treatment on my raw pink skin.  To say this is going to hurt is going to be an understatement.  I have been doing everything as instructed, following all of the do's and don'ts, so I have just been one of the unlucky ones.  The pain has also been affecting my sleep as I can't roll over on my right side - it is too painful.  I just can't wait for it to all be over.  Bring on Thursday!!!!  Although I am burnt, sore and tired, I will miss my radiographers.  They are all so lovely and made me as comfortable as possible throughout my treatment, however I really hope I never have to see them again - in a medical environment anyway!  WARNING - I have attached a photo of my burns below.


Some good news to come out of my radiation treatment is that I haven't developed Lymphodema which was a big worry for me as I had quite a few problems with my arm during Chemo.  In fact, it seems that radiation has helped with the cording and at the moment you can't see (and I can't feel) any cording in my arm.  It feels great and I haven't had to wear my pressure glove every day.  I will still be having a check up with my Physio just after radiation is finished, but I am feeling good. 


Just prior to Christmas, Ryan commenced 5 weeks of annual leave.  It has been so fantastic having him home with us especially over the Christmas and New Year break.  He primarily took the time off so he could help with the girls whilst I have radiation each day but we have made sure we have been spending lots of quality time together down at the beach, going to the movies, catching up with friends and we have a camping holiday booked for next weekend down in Busselton which we are really looking forward to!


It has now been close to 4 weeks since I started taking Tamoxifen (the drug I need to take every day for the next 5 years) and it seems I have picked up a couple of side effects.  These being; a cough, dizziness and light headedness - lucky me!  Thankfully they aren't affecting my day to day activities but I will need to bring these up with my Surgeon and Oncologist in the coming weeks.


I am very happy to broadcast that my hair has started to grow back - hallelujah!  It would be close to 0.5cm long now, although very thin and whispy, so I will be wearing my scarves and hats for quite some time yet.  I keep telling Ryan the best way to stimulate the hair follicles is with regular head massages but he isn't buying it!  How ironic is this though ...... the day my hair started to grow back, my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out :(  Can you believe it!  I honestly thought I was going to be lucky and not lose them especially as it has been nearly 2 months since my last Chemo session.  Needless to say, not feeling very attractive at the moment!


Well, I best sign off for now and put the bottle of Moet in the fridge to chill for Thursday!

 Christmas Day - 2011


Jasmine and Baylee - 
opening presents on Christmas morning 2011 


Some of my very painful burns - 
after 21 radiotherapy treatments