New Beginnings

Everybody wants happiness.  Nobody wants pain.

But you can't have a rainbow, without a little rain.

I did it!!!  After 2 bouts of surgery, 6 rounds of chemo and 25 session of radiation, I did it!!  I am ecstatic to say that I finished all of my treatment on Thursday 12th January 2012 - another date I don't think I will ever forget.  It nearly didn't happen though.  On Monday 9th January I arrived early for my radiation appointment as I wanted to see the nurses prior to the treatment.  My skin was so badly burnt (even more so than the last photo saved on my blog) and I was very concerned about it.  The nurse on duty was lovely but was also very worried about my burns and asked me to go home and return later in the morning - once the doctor had arrived.  I arrived home to Ryan and just burst into tears.  I just couldn't believe  there maybe a chance I would have to stop the treatment when I was only 4 sessions away from the finish line.  Ryan returned with me later that morning and I saw the doctor, who after assessing the burns, was happy for me to continue as long as I was very careful over the next few days.  If it had been any longer than 4 days they definitely would have made me stop and return at a later date.  It was crucial I gave the area regular salt water soaks and used the special prescribed creams to help the area heal but more importantly, to avoid the onset of infection.  I also had to visit the nurses before and after each session for them to dress the burns.  


I can definitely say that I was one of the unlucky ones who burnt quite badly throughout this process.  I found it interesting to hear from the nurses that it is impossible for them to pick exactly who will burn and who won't.  The radiographers were saying that they may have a dark skinned lady burn quite badly one day and the next day a very fair lady who doesn't burn at all! 


I really can't tell you how I felt walking out for the last time - there were so many mixed emotions..... sore, relief, happiness, sadness, etc.  Ryan asked me how I would like to celebrate the end of my treatment and all I really wanted to do was to go down to the beach and enjoy some Moet and this is exactly what we did!  Our wonderful families joined us and it was perfect.


We continued the celebrations by heading down to Busselton for a little camping holiday a couple of days after my last radiation treatment.  We really enjoy camping and we had a fantastic time!  Some lovely friends joined us and Ryan's parents came down for a night also.    The weather was amazing, in fact the first couple of days were really hot so I had to be super careful my burns weren't exposed to the sun in any way.


We arrived home from camping just in time to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary!  My lovely sister Lizzy came over and looked after our girls whilst we enjoyed an amazing 6 course degustation menu at Fraser's in Kings Park.  It was absolutely fantastic and I highly recommend it!  It was a lovely way to celebrate a year that was definitely one of our hardest and one we will never forget.  I can't thank Ryan enough for absolutely everything he does for me and our girls - he is wonderful!


On Thursday 19th January, I had my 'follow up' consultation with my surgeon, Dr Willsher.  We spoke about my Chemo treatment and radiation and he checked my mastectomy scar and burns.  We then spoke about reconstructive surgery and my decision to have my other breast removed at the time of this surgery.  I really want to try and take the element of risk  away and my surgeon is happy with my decision and supports me all the way (especially due to my age).  I hope to have this done in late July / early August 2012.  I want to give my body a really good rest from all of my treatment before I head back into hospital for more surgery.  It is quite a major operation and I will be in hospital for at least 10 days and will take approx 6 weeks to recover - something I am really not looking forward to.  


Now that all of my treatment is finished, the question I am asked on a regular basis is 'where to from here'?  Unfortunately I won't know if all of my treatment has worked until June 2012.  Exactly 12 months after my diagnosis and 6 months after my treatment, I will need to go and have all of my scans done again.  No doubt this is going to be a tough day and I just hope I am drinking a glass of champagne at the end of it!


Once again I am extremely grateful for everyone's wonderful support and I must thank Hayles & Neil, Lizzy & Stevie and Trace & Darren for the lovely flowers and for Dee & Heath for the beautiful gift box I received on celebrating the end of my treatment. I feel very special - thank you!  


It is a strange and sometimes frightening feeling not having any current treatment.  I am sure some people may think that because I am out of the stages of having treatment, I am fine.  I'm not sure how I feel about this as I'm sure I will still have some sad days now and then.  My support group often speaks about feelings especially when treatment is over.  Treatment is kind of like a safety net - surely nothing can happen to us when on treatment?!


I really want to close this post with a status a friend recently wrote on Facebook (thanks Alsy!) - it perfectly sums up how I feel.


I am a very lucky girl that can quite proudly say if you measure my wealth by how many amazing friendships I have, then I would be a billionaire ten times over!

Ryan and I toasting the end of my 

treatment and new beginnings

Ryan and I celebrating 9 very happy years

Ryan and I at Tami's 30th Birthday 

(wish I had some eyelashes!)

My inspiration - my gorgeous little family at 

Jaz's surf life saving (Scarboro SLS nippers!)

Burnt to a crisp

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends and I hope 2012 brings you lots of love, fun and happiness but more importantly I hope it brings you all excellent health!

I was very happy to see 2011 come to an end - in fact, it couldn't come quick enough.  I never in my wildest dreams thought it would turn out the way it did and it certainly did turn my life upside down and inside out!  

Unfortunately my treatment didn't finish in 2011 which is a shame.  It will finish on Thursday 12th January 2012 at 8.15am!  My treatment card was finalised today (showing my very last radiation time) and noted underneath was 'finished - well done!'  Unfortunately though, radiation hasn't been a walk in the park like I thought it might have been (compared to Chemo anyway).  The first few weeks were fine and I thought I might breeze through the treatment but I am doing it tough now.  The burns are horrendous and with 21 sessions complete, part of my skin is like charcoal.  My poor burnt skin is now peeling back to show raw pink skin and it makes me sick to think that tomorrow they will have to perform the 22nd radiation treatment on my raw pink skin.  To say this is going to hurt is going to be an understatement.  I have been doing everything as instructed, following all of the do's and don'ts, so I have just been one of the unlucky ones.  The pain has also been affecting my sleep as I can't roll over on my right side - it is too painful.  I just can't wait for it to all be over.  Bring on Thursday!!!!  Although I am burnt, sore and tired, I will miss my radiographers.  They are all so lovely and made me as comfortable as possible throughout my treatment, however I really hope I never have to see them again - in a medical environment anyway!  WARNING - I have attached a photo of my burns below.


Some good news to come out of my radiation treatment is that I haven't developed Lymphodema which was a big worry for me as I had quite a few problems with my arm during Chemo.  In fact, it seems that radiation has helped with the cording and at the moment you can't see (and I can't feel) any cording in my arm.  It feels great and I haven't had to wear my pressure glove every day.  I will still be having a check up with my Physio just after radiation is finished, but I am feeling good. 

Just prior to Christmas, Ryan commenced 5 weeks of annual leave.  It has been so fantastic having him home with us especially over the Christmas and New Year break.  He primarily took the time off so he could help with the girls whilst I have radiation each day but we have made sure we have been spending lots of quality time together down at the beach, going to the movies, catching up with friends and we have a camping holiday booked for next weekend down in Busselton which we are really looking forward to!


It has now been close to 4 weeks since I started taking Tamoxifen (the drug I need to take every day for the next 5 years) and it seems I have picked up a couple of side effects.  These being; a cough, dizziness and light headedness - lucky me!  Thankfully they aren't affecting my day to day activities but I will need to bring these up with my Surgeon and Oncologist in the coming weeks.


I am very happy to broadcast that my hair has started to grow back - hallelujah!  It would be close to 0.5cm long now, although very thin and whispy, so I will be wearing my scarves and hats for quite some time yet.  I keep telling Ryan the best way to stimulate the hair follicles is with regular head massages but he isn't buying it!  How ironic is this though ...... the day my hair started to grow back, my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out :(  Can you believe it!  I honestly thought I was going to be lucky and not lose them especially as it has been nearly 2 months since my last Chemo session.  Needless to say, not feeling very attractive at the moment!


Well, I best sign off for now and put the bottle of Moet in the fridge to chill for Thursday!

 Christmas Day - 2011

Jasmine and Baylee - 

opening presents on Christmas morning 2011 

Some of my very painful burns - 

after 21 radiotherapy treatments

All I want for Christmas

I can hardly believe it will be six months tomorrow since receiving my diagnosis.  Surreal would be the best way to describe the events that have taken place since receiving that dreaded phone call back on 16th June 2011.  It has also been a huge emotional rollercoaster ride for me and my family but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now.  Hallelujah!


I am absolutely thrilled that I made it through Chemo - especially considering I didn't think I would survive the first cycle!  My next phase of treatment is radiation therapy which is a localised form of treatment using high energy radiation to kill cancer cells.  I have to complete 25 sessions (5 days a week for 5 weeks) at the Perth Radiation Oncology clinic in Wembley.  All the radiographers are lovely and very friendly so it is nice to see a smiling face when I arrive, although I wish my appointments were the same time every day!  Unfortunately the waiting room often gets me thinking 'why me' with nearly all other patients in their 60's or 70's.  Of course I wish none of them were going through this either but I must admit they all stare when I arrive and are probably trying to guess my age as they wait for their name to be called.  There are many do's and dont's I have to follow during this treatment such as; no deodorant, no perfume, no sunscreen, no direct contact with the sun and I must moisturise the treated area (chest and upper arm where lymph nodes were removed) daily with lots of sorbolene cream.  So far I have had 8 treatments with another 17 to go (but who's counting!) with Thursday 12th January 2012 marked as a day to celebrate - the end of all of my treatment!  All is going well with radiation although I have noticed the area has become a little red with a couple of very small blisters which is a worry as I was told I shouldn't see any burning (as such) until week 3.  In addition, I have been told that I will start to feel tired and fatigued around this time.  Fingers crossed the burning doesn't get any worse and I will be one of the lucky ones who breezes through radiation with minimal side effects - here's hoping!


Unfortunately I am still experiencing some pain and swelling in my arm from the two lots of surgery I had in June and July.  Thankfully I haven't developed Lymphodema although I have had a few scares in the past few weeks. It is mainly the cording that is giving me grief. Cording is a tight and sometimes painful band of tissue (like a cord - hence the name!) running down the arm towards the hand. It occurs as a result of lymph glands and channels being removed from the axilla region (under the arm). To assist with the swelling and potential onset of Lymphodema I now have to wear a pressure glove on my right hand every day until my treatment is finished. It is not the greatest look but I know it is important I continue to wear it.


We have been quite busy in the lead up to Christmas with lots of social events and I am very happy I have been feeling well to enjoy this time.  Last Saturday night we enjoyed a nice meal with a few friends at Zephyr in North Beach (it was delicious!), on Sunday we celebrated with my work friends at the Raffles (need I say more!) and on Monday I attended my support group lunch at The Boulevard Hotel in Floreat.... what a busy few days it was!  It was lovely to see everyone and to meet some new girls. We had a great time and I had the opportunity to present the Organic Home 'Think Pink for Emma' candle cheque to Cathie and Karina from Breast Cancer Care WA. We had a photo taken which I have included below.


Last week Ryan and I (and my Mum) attended Jasmine's Pre-Primary Christmas Concert. It was so fantastic to see all the kids dressed up. The last time Jaz had a concert, I was in hospital so I was very happy I was able to be there and support her. These events are so special and I was so proud seeing Jaz dancing and singing along with all of her friends.


I had my final Chemo follow up yesterday with my Oncologist and I must admit it was nice to get in my car afterwards and return home rather than head to the cocktail lounge for a few hours!  Arlene gave me my blood test results that I had done the day prior and she confirmed that I am now in menopause (a Chemo side effect) although this will most likely be temporary due to my age - only time will tell.  She also went on to say that my liver and kidneys are functioning well and that my white blood cell count is nearly normal which is great although she did mention that I am low in iron and need to watch this especially during radiation.  I will continue to see her every 3 months for the next 5 years which is both overwhelming and reassuring at the same time.  As my cancer is estrogen and progesterone positive I have now been prescribed the drug Tamoxifen which is a tablet that I will need to take every day for the next 5 years.  Tamoxifen is anti-estrogen therapy and works by blocking the hormone receptors so they can't signal cancer cells to grow and lets hope it does its job!


So back to the blog title - all I want for Christmas....


I know what you are all thinking and yes nothing would make me happier than starting to see my HAIR grow back!!! Well I have to report that if I look very closely I can see very fine baby hair starting to show although to everyone else I still look bald!  But more importantly, I wish someone could guarantee me that this cancer was just a one off 'out of the blue' illness that will never ever return. I would be happy to give up everything I own to receive this guarantee but sadly I know this is not possible :(  I will just need to remain positive and hope that someday soon a cure will be found.


I will end this post with a lovely email my friend Renee sent me at work - I really liked it and hope you do too :)

“Live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back”

Julie and Allison from Organic Home presenting the cheques from the 

'Think Pink for Emma' candle promotion

Em presenting the big cheque to Cathie Smith from Breast Cancer Care WA

at the Christmas Luncheon 

Our Jaz at her Christmas concert

Au revoir Chemo....... forever!

'Strength'

What lies behind us and what lies before us are just tiny matters compared 

to what lies within us

What a momentous few weeks it has been!  I am over the moon to report that I completed my very last Chemotherapy treatment on Wednesday 16th November at The Mount Hospital.  Chemotherapy was by far the worst experience I have had to endure in my life, so I  am sure you can imagine the relief of reaching this milestone.  Unfortunately, similar to my last round of Chemo I am taking longer to recover from the treatment (which I have been told is normal due to the accumulative effect it has on the body) with a few side effects still hanging around a week later.  Hopefully these will go prior to starting Radiation therapy in a couple of weeks time, but in the meantime, it is time to celebrate!


A few weeks prior to my last Chemo session I shed a few tears to Ryan about my appearance.  I was feeling a bit down and out - having one breast is one thing, putting on a few kgs is another, but having no hair takes the cake!  How can anyone find me attractive when I struggle with the way I look and feel.  Of course he said all the right things and made me feel a whole lot better.  Little did I know that in just a matter of days he was about to surprise me with a wonderful day out with my work girlfriends.  He had been planning (for a couple of months!) a shopping spree in the city which involved booking a personal stylist in Myer for a few hours and lunch with the girls afterwards.  He gave me $1,000 spending money and told me not to bring home any change! I still don't know how he coerced me into the city on a Saturday morning (when we should have been at Challenge Stadium for the girls swimming lessons!) to pull off the surprise.  I was completely blown away.... in fact when I first saw all the girls waiting at the cafe, I thought they had all gone out for morning tea and I wasn't invited - awkward!! ha ha.  We all had a great time and it was just what I needed!  


My second big surprise came just over a week later.  I was up in the Chemo ward with Ryan and Dad and we were chatting away.  My Mum, Lizzy and my little niece Jess arrived not long afterwards which was a nice surprise as I thought Lizzy was working that day.  They brought balloons, cakes, muffins and biscuits and we shared them with the other patients, to celebrate my last chemo treatment.  We were having a nice time when all of a sudden it got a whole lot better....... in walked the one and only MARK LECRAS (AFL player for West Coast Eagles)!!!!!!!!!!!  For those that don't already know, I would have to be Mark's biggest fan - not only is he extremely good looking, he is a great player and, as I got to find out in person, a really nice guy.  What is there not to like!  I didn't click at first and thought oh wow that is so nice of him to visit the Chemo ward (apparently a few of them make surprise visits throughout the year) but when I saw Liz motioning to him to come over, I realised he was here to see ME!!!!!!  He gave me a signed West Coast Eagles jumper ("Dear Emma, Best Wishes! Mark LeCras"), stayed and chatted for about 45 minutes and had numerous photos with us.  It was the most fantastic surprise and I have to make special mention of my friends Vicki and Darren Cobby who kindly arranged this for me all the way from Broome.  I can't thank you both enough!!  


I also have to mention of a special friend at this time who has come into my life through this crazy journey.  My friend Jenny who was diagnosed with breast cancer whilst 23 weeks pregnant, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Tatum Lee last week (one month early) - what an amazing and inspiring woman!  She has a wonderful husband and 2 gorgeous boys and little Tatum is one very special little girl like her Mummy.  Jenny's story is very similar to mine and whilst it makes me sad we are both having to face the same challenges I am so happy she has come into my life - a definite positive to come out of this experience.


I am still deeply touched by the kindness of family, friends, even strangers!  Yesterday was another example - a beautiful friend in Melbourne sent over a gift boxed bottle of rose Moet to celebrate my end of Chemo treatment.  It was such a lovely surprise and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face all afternoon!  So very lucky to have such wonderful caring family and friends in my life.     


On another note, I have been blown away with the response I have received about my blog.  I have just clicked over 10,500 hits in a matter of months which is beyond my wildest expectations!  I initially wrote my blog to keep family and friends up to date with my treatment / progress and to express my feelings on paper (so to speak).  I now see it as an avenue to create awareness, give hope and offer advice to those who are also battling this disease or has someone close to them fighting it.  If I can help just one other person, then I have served the main purpose of this blog.  I want everyone to realise that cancer can leave us with physical scars and temporarily take our hair away but we should never allow it to take our spirit or positive energy as they have the power to overcome anything.  


Battling cancer is something that no individual would ever want to nor should experience, and although this has been the most physically, emotionally & mentally challenging time of my life, I am so very grateful for everyone's love and support.   I still have the occasional cry, but mostly my days are good.  


So as I sign off from this blog I am reminded of a young lady sitting next to me in the Chemo ward last week with her sister.  After enjoying one of the cupcakes my family handed around, she kindly asked 'is this your last session today?'  I said 'yes' and as a matter of courtesy I asked her how far into her treatment she was.  She proceeded to tell me that she had been battling cancer for 6 years and unfortunately it was now throughout her entire body so this (Chemo) is something she just does each week to buy more time.  She is only 39 years of age.  

'Lets appreciate LIFE.  Lets show more heart and compassion to one another because 
there is always someone, somewhere, fighting a harder battle and there is no price 
on simple human kindness'.

Anonymous

Being surprised by my work girlfriends!

Ha ha - trying on the many gorgeous dresses with my beautiful friends Renee and Brooke

(a big thanks also to Ton, Lorn, Hayles and Nic for joining me on the day)

My very last Chemo - Round 6!

Last Chemo - Em and Mark LeCras

So my sister has breast cancer. Written by: Lizzy Brunt

Let’s start at the beginning – June 16th 2011.  At 12.30pm I received a message from a close friend to say she had given birth to a gorgeous little girl called Mia. For 3 hours I was ecstatic for her. Then at 3.30pm I got a call from my sister with the worst news I’ve ever heard. I felt like someone had taken the floor out from under me. I tried to remain calm (albeit while crying!) but as soon as I hung up from Em I sobbed. I don’t remember ever crying so hard in my entire life. Unfortunately my little man witnessed all of this and came over to me and said “Settle Gretel, everything is going to be okay” and gave me a huge hug. I managed to keep it together for about 1 minute – enough to call my husband Steve, and tell him to get the hell home! I remember pacing around my games room  I felt like I was on drugs.... couldn’t sit, couldn’t stand, couldn’t comprehend what was happening. I rang a close friend whose family had been touched by cancer recently and she was shocked when I managed to tell her the news. Thankfully she gave me some great advice and I managed to keep it together for a bit.  I remember when Steve got home we took the kids for a walk to the park and I met a woman who had a rather cute looking pug. I still remember talking to her like nothing had happened – it was like I had never received the phone call. I think I just went into shut–down mode, some might call it self-preservation!  It was a welcome break from the constant horrifying thoughts going through my head so I’m glad we got out of the house that afternoon.

 

I remember thinking of Mum and Dad. I rang them not long after Em’s phone call and they sounded shell shocked – as expected really. No-one wants to hear that their child has cancer – whether that child is 5, 15, 35 or 55. We’ve always been a close family – not having any other family in Perth has kind of made us that way. Thankfully Mum and Dad are retired and have been a massive help to Em, Ry and the kids while they deal with it all. We are truly blessed to have such wonderful parents!

 

I’ve been working in hospitals for 10 years so I knew a little bit about cancer and treatment options so I immediately wanted to know EVERYTHING about breast cancer!! Unfortunately Em didn’t know too much at this stage and I know that the not knowing was extremely difficult for her and Ry. It was probably one of the longest weekends of my life.  I remember sitting at our computer all weekend researching various treatments but it really was fruitless as we just didn’t know anything at that stage.

 

Having read a ton of medical records in the past, I knew that the standard treatment for a lot of breast cancer is a mastectomy and chemotherapy. So when Em rang me on the Monday to tell me the news I was quietly relieved. I didn’t want her surgeon doing a half-assed job of it – I wanted the whole hog done!! Obviously Em was devastated by this though and I kept trying to focus her on the end result – no pain, no gain. Yep,  2011 was going to be the year from hell so let’s just get it over and done with quickly!!

 

Since the diagnosis the support Em and my family have received has blown us away. From the Organic Candles fundraiser (thanks Julie!), to the big head shave (thanks Ry’s mates!), to Relay for Life (thanks Nicki!). And then there’s the ‘quiet support army’ – the people who have stopped me at work or sent me cards wishing Emma all the best, my old boss (who had never met Em) sending her a little pressie from Tasmania,  to my kids swimming teacher who said she will pray for Emma. Small little gestures that mean so much and really lift our spirits. Then of course there is the Pre-Primary mum’s at Jasmine’s school along with Em and Ry's close friends who have ensured that Em and family are well fed – because let’s face it, Ryan can’t cook (sorry Ry!).

 

On the 14th September I went to Em’s Chemo session with her. I was really looking forward to it to be honest. I wanted to see what happened, meet her Doctors etc... however, I also didn’t prepare myself very well. I found myself fighting back the tears at her Oncologist appointment. It felt like someone had given me a cold hard slap of reality – my sister has CANCER! She was talking to her Dr about her chemo and the side affects and she was smiling and joking all the way through it – how does she do this I thought!? However, her positive attitude kept me going and I thoroughly enjoyed sitting next to her for 3 hours and talking – uninterrupted!!! No kids screaming or fighting, no ‘I’m hungry’, no pooey nappies to deal with – three long hours of just us..... it was awesome!!! I hope the next time we get to do that it is over a very long lunch and wine is involved.

 

Em has shown remarkable strength through all of this – who else can call the Chemo Unit the ‘cocktail lounge’. Who else could wear a head scarf and still look stunning. Who else could be half way through chemo but manage to get all dressed up to attend two Gala Balls. Who else could be mistaken for a model for the cancer council!!

 

 

A friend of mine told me recently that watching someone close to you  have cancer is like sand in a glass of water. Some days the sand settles on the bottom and you can see through the water clearly, other days the sand is stirred up and the water is murky. I still have murky days – the days when I just can’t get past the fact that my sister has cancer. It seems totally unfair. Then there are days I’m totally focused on Em living a long and healthy life – and the water is clear again.

 

So, the past few months have been a whirl-wind... my diary is loaded with not only things for my family but also all of Em’s chemo dates, Dr’s appointments etc.... I am looking forward to a rather quiet 2012.... except of course June 16th when I’ll be celebrating 2 milestone’s... little Mia’s 1st birthday and the big one – Emma one year  on..... CANCER SURVIVOR!!!

Em and I at dinner (girls holiday)- Lygon Street, Carlton

Melbourne - December 2010 

Em and I out celebrating Em's 35th Birthday - 16th July 2011

(4 weeks after Em's diagnosis)

Em and I after we shaved our heads (15 days after Em's first Chemo)

18th August 2011

 

Hey Cancer.... you messed with the wrong girl!

As I sit here on the couch tonight I think about the milestone I have just achieved.  Exactly 84 days ago I commenced my very first Chemotherapy treatment.  I recall the days following my first session and I thought there was no way in the world I was going to get through another 5 treatments.  In fact, there was a time I thought the Chemo itself might kill me.  So as you can imagine I am quietly (albeit feeling a little nauseas) celebrating my 5th round of Chemotherapy treatment.  It is hard to describe exactly the emotion I am feeling - actually if you can recall the closing scene in Flashdance when she is dancing to 'What a Feeling'.... this would be pretty close!  I remember very clearly when it was 1 treatment down and 5 to go and now I am 5 treatments down and 1 to go!!!!

With only 1 treatment remaining my Dad is already planning a party to be held up in the Chemo suite on my last day - I hope The Mount is ready for it! ha ha  So nice of them to be feeling the way I am also... bring on the celebrations!  I saw a t-shirt just recently which read 'My wife's/daughter's/sister's/friend's battle is my battle' (there are a few variations so I listed them all) and I couldn't agree more.  Everyone has been there for me every step of the way and to this day I still think about ways of trying to repay everyone for their unconditional support.

My lovely Mum joined me for today's Chemo session and it was nice just chatting.  Of course, Dad couldn't keep away so he popped in and Ryan also had a break from work and popped in to see me.  I am so lucky to have so much love and support.  It makes me very sad when I see the other patients arriving by themselves to have their treatment and I just hope that it was their decision to come on their own.  

As much as I wish I wasn't going through this for my family's sake I am so grateful we have our little girls as they keep me very busy and distracted which definitely takes my mind off things.  In fact I have to share a funny story that happened last week!  I was playing hairdressers with Jasmine and Baylee and we were taking it turns putting plaits and clips in their hair.  After they had had a few turns I said what about Mummy's hair and I took my scarf off.  Jasmine laughed and said 'but you don't have any hair Mummy - silly billy'! but Baylee's eyes widened and she said 'oh no, where has your hair gone Mummy!!' (even through she sees me bald every day) and I replied 'I don't know what happened to it - where has it gone' and she says 'Daddy took it away' (Ryan was the one who shaved my head) and I said 'where did he put it' and she says 'In the bin - I will go and get it'!!!  I couldn't help but have a good laugh :)

I have been very fortunate to be involved in a couple of special morning teas held this month to raise much needed funds for Breast Cancer Research.  A couple of weeks ago my lovely Burswood colleagues held a morning tea and Jaz and I went along to see everyone and to enjoy the yummy food :)  We had a great time and lots of money was raised.  We had a nice group photo taken which might be printed in the Burswood staff magazine - and I have attached this below!

Ryan and I also held a 'pink' morning tea last week with our families and a couple of friends.  It was a lovely morning and we raised $520 in just over an hour.  Great effort by all!  I have also attached below a couple of pics.

Speaking of events, Ryan and I were very fortunate to be invited to the Lexus Ball which raises funds for Telethon.  We had a fantastic evening and got to rub shoulders with some of the stars attending Telethon!!  It was so nice to get frocked up, enjoy a beautiful meal, have a glass of bubbly and a dance :)  

I would also like to make special mention of my sister's friend Nicki Turner who recently took part in the Relay for Life event which raises money for cancer research.  She decided to 'walk for me' and I am so very honoured by this touching gesture.  She raised $320 on the day!  Thank you so much Nicki :)

I am currently reading Dr Ian Gawler's book called 'You Can Conquer Cancer'.  I am finding it very interesting and wanted to share a paragraph with you that I often think about:

'It is known that throughout the lifetime of every healthy person, cancerous cells develop in their body.  This is a medically accepted fact.  It also is accepted that the body normally recognises these abnormal cells as a potential threat to its health and acts quickly to isolate and destroy them.  It does so before any physical symptoms become apparent.  However, in cancer patients, this does not happen and the growths continue unopposed.  The body offers no resistance and symptoms of cancer are the result.'


It still saddens me to think that I am fighting breast cancer.  As naive as this may sound I still think of it as an older woman's disease - which I know sounds ridiculous!  I am trying to remain very positive but it is hard sometimes - so many thoughts running through your head (and sometimes they aren't positive) but I just have to keep reminding myself that yes this really sucks but there is nothing I can do about it and I just need to keep moving forward and focus on finishing all of my treatment.   I often think - why did this have to happen? and not just happen to me but to anyone?  Gosh, life can be unfair sometimes.  I just hope the money that we all raise will be put to good use and the cause and subsequent cure will be found very soon.  :(  I mostly have good days now but I can't deny that some days I just put on a brave face and try and be as bubbly as possible so no-one picks up on my sadness.

Chemo - Round 4 

Wed 5th October 2011

Lexus (Telethon Ball)

Sat 15th October 2011

Burswood Team

Pink Ribbon Morning Tea

Mum, Liz, Me and Dad

Pink Ribbon Morning Tea

A couple of bumps in the road

Firstly, I have to start this post by reminding you all that October is International Breast Cancer Awareness month!  It would be wonderful if you could all show your support it in some way :)


This past week has been a tough one.  I woke up last Friday morning with a really sore upper right arm (the side of my recent surgery) and noticed it was swollen and very red.  This really worried me (like most aches and pains I get these days) as I thought it was the start of Lymphodema - a chronic, debilitating condition in which excess fluid collects in tissues and causes swelling and numerous other side effects.  Unfortunately I am at greater risk of this condition as I had to have the lymph nodes removed under my arm when it was found that the cancer had spread from my breast.  Once Lymphodema sets in, it is something you are stuck with for life and therefore needs to be monitored and managed to minimise side effects.  As I'm sure you can imagine, I raced off to the Physio who took my measurements and after viewing the redness and swelling advised it was Cellulitis - a skin infection caused by bacteria.  We were a little baffled as to how I picked this up but I went straight off to my GP who prescribed some strong antibiotics to clear it up immediately.  I was told to keep an eye on it and if it hadn't started to improve within 24 hours I may be admitted to hospital to have antibiotics administered intravenously. Of course I followed my GP's instructions closely; lots of rest, no heavy lifting, elevate the arm if possible, etc. and thankfully it started to clear up.  My biggest concern was that my next round of Chemo was so close (5 days away) and I was worried my Oncologist wouldn't let me proceed with round 4 due to my low white blood cell count.  Battling an infection is tough enough when you're healthy, so you can imagine how tough it is when you're on Chemo.  The good news is that although my white blood cell count was a little lower than normal, I was still able to proceed with Chemo - what a relief!  Gosh, I never thought I would be excited about having Chemo but this week I was.  I am getting so close to the end that I didn't want anything to stop me from having treatment.  Wednesday 16th November is the magic date for me (very last Chemo session) and it can't come quick enough!!


Tonight I am lying on the couch feeling sore and sorry for myself after another gruelling round at the cocktail lounge (aka Chemo ward).  My Dad joined me again this time and we had a great time keeping the lovely nurses entertained.  We were well fed and have managed to reduce the treatment time down to 2.5 hours - hallelujah!  With 4 cycles down and only 2 more to go, I have to admit I am really going to miss the nurses in the ward.  They are all so lovely and I really enjoy my time with them - I think it might be a little sad saying goodbye to them when I finish my treatment in November.  In saying this though, I hope I NEVER EVER have to see them again - well not in a hospital environment anyway!


I have had some other things on my mind of late, namely gene testing and breast reconstruction.  Again, a few more things I never thought I would ever have to consider at the tender age of 35 years young.  I have been tossing up about the gene testing for quite some time and still haven't made up my mind about whether to proceed or not.  I have read and been advised that less than 5% of all breast cancer cases are inherited by a genetic gene fault so it is likely that I don't have the gene. However, I have to admit that I am curious, especially after receiving my diagnosis so young.  I also think about the future for Jasmine and Baylee, especially if I have the BRCA gene.  But regardless, if I have the gene or not, they are still going to have to be vigilant about having yearly mammograms and ultrasounds from the age of 18 - something I wish they didn't have to have done at such an early age.  My fingers and toes are tightly crossed that a cure will be found well before they reach this age.


It is at this time that I now start to think about breast reconstructive surgery.  Gosh I thought there was lots to think about with the gene testing - wow, I was wrong!!!  I don't even know where to start with the surgery.  There are so many options that I need to weigh up.  One of my first jobs is to find a reputable surgeon who specialises in reconstructive surgery.  Let me get something very clear here - this ain't no 'boob job' contrary to many people mentioning how lucky I am to be getting some new boobs :-/  There is so much to consider with one of the main ones being whether to have my other breast removed to reduce the risk of the cancer returning in this area. I would then have expanders inserted under the skin to stretch the chest wall (first surgery) for a period of time, then to decide whether to use skin and muscle from my back to form new breasts or to have implants (second surgery). Then there's the lengthy hospital stays for these procedures, risks of infection and of course recovery time afterwards to think about.  Thankfully I don't have to make these decisions now as I still have to get through 5 weeks of radiation December but it is something that is weighing on my mind.


After attending my first support group last month, I was surprised to hear that quite a few of the ladies suffered some form of loneliness or depression after their treatment was over.  I initially found this really strange - I thought they would be celebrating!  They explained that the Chemo treatments and radiation appointments kept them focused on getting better and once they were finished and were given the all clear, they were kind-of expected to go back to 'normal'.  I think after something like this it is very hard to just go back to normal.  There is no doubt there will always be that unsettling feeling of what the future holds but again, I try not to think to much about this and pray that I will be here one day to celebrate my 100th birthday ;)  My good friend Mel actually put it perfectly in a little message to me not long ago - she said 'No Em, your life should not be expected to go back to normal, it should be bigger and better than ever' - and I think she is absolutely right.


I have to say one huge positive to come out of my diagnosis is not only the closeness with my family (which was already very tight knit to begin with) but the even stronger bonds I have now with some friends, and the new friendships I have made along the way.    


I thought I would sign off with a few quotes that a special friend sent to me recently - hope you enjoy :)


'Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don't save it for a special occasion.  Today is special'


'Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift'


'You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have'