Next chapter in this crazy journey!

This time last year I was celebrating my daughter's 3rd and 6th birthdays.
This time last year I removed my head scarf for the first time following treatment.
This time last year I was getting ready to spend Easter in Kalbarri with my family.
This time last year I was petrified the cancer would one day return and take my life.

I can't believe how much can happen in a year...

This year my scans came back showing no sign of cancer.
This year Ryan and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary.
This year I can get my hair into a teeny weeny pony tail.
This year my body is strong but my will to survive is stronger.

Wow, it has been quite some time since I wrote my last blog post. Just goes to show that time flies when you're having fun!  Life sure has been good and I am so grateful to be feeling happy and healthy again.  Since my last entry, I have enjoyed a few fantastic holidays (Bali with our families, Sydney to attend the BCNA national conference and Singapore with my sister).  We also had a fantastic Christmas with our families, a relaxing school holiday break in January, attended a beautiful friend's wedding in February, an awesome engagement party in March and have attended a few gala balls along the way.

Attending the BCNA (Breast Cancer Network Australia) National Conference, Sydney

Lizzy and I enjoying the Transformer Ride at Universal Studios, Singapore

Ryan and I relaxing by the pool at Crown Perth

I suppose the main reason for this new blog entry is to keep you updated with the next step in this crazy journey!

Just over 20 months ago, when I received my diagnosis, I was given the option of an immediate breast reconstruction following my mastectomy.  At that time, I was not in a position to make such a big decision.  I was still in shock and really just wanted the cancer to be removed from my body. The last thing on my mind was a breast reconstruction!  Crikey, I was still getting my head around terms such as Malignant Breast Carcinoma, ER/PR positive, HER2 negative, etc, etc.

Not long after commencing Chemotherapy I started to think about reconstructive surgery but I still felt I wasn't strong enough to deal with the op or recovery, especially whilst going through invasive treatment.  In fact it has been just over 20 months since my diagnosis and only now do I feel as though I am in a position both physically and emotionally to deal with this next phase.

Fast forward to now and I actually have (tiny) cleavage!! Alrighty, I am jumping the gun here so I had better rewind the tape a little to keep you in the loop.  Towards the end of last year, I decided that it was time I start investigating my options in relation to breast reconstructive surgery.  I still classify myself as young (despite what my kids may think - haha!) and I certainly miss wearing 'normal' bathers and bras, not to mention some of my favourite clothes.

I was aware that the options were reasonably limited due to having 5 weeks of radiation following chemo but it is something I really wanted to investigate.  I had originally wanted just implants (as it would be a much quicker and easier procedure) but was advised this was not possible due to having a previous radical mastectomy on my right side.  I had lost nearly 5cm of skin on this side and it was very tight from being so burnt from radiation.  My only option was to have a bilateral (double) lat dorsi breast reconstruction - using the skin, fat and muscle from my back to re-create new breasts (this operation takes 6 to 7 hours).  

This was certainly not your standard, everyday 'boob job'.  In addition to using my back muscles, I also have tissue expanders inserted on each side.  Once I have fully recovered from surgery, these expanders will be slowly injected with saline to stretch the chest skin and after a period of time (approx 3 - 4 months), they will be exchanged for permanent implants.

There was only one plastic surgeon that I wanted to meet and that was Tony Connell.  Tony is very well respected, is an absolute gentleman and his work is outstanding!  I was thrilled when my breast surgeon, Peter Willsher advised that he works closely with Tony as I would be needing both of their expertise with this next stage.  I decided quite some time ago that I was going to have a skin sparing mastectomy on my left breast (performed by Peter Willsher) at the time of reconstruction and then have Tony come in and perform the bilateral lat dorsi reconstruction component.  Both surgeons walked me through the procedure and whilst it was daunting, it was also very exciting!  It was kind of closure in a way to finishing this journey and putting it behind me.

I was admitted to The Mount Hospital on the evening of 12th March (Baylee's 4th birthday) and my little family came with me.  They stayed for a short while and then it wasn't long before Tony came in to 'mark' me up.  By the time he was finished I was covered in blue texta!  I slept quite well that night (thanks to the sleeping tablet they gave me) which was good as I was woken at 5.50am the following morning by the night nurse.  I was asked to have a shower using the special antiseptic wash and to put the gown on - so attractive!  Surprisingly, I was feeling good and only got a little teary when Ryan and the girls called just after 7.00am.  They wheeled me into pre-op around 7.20am and thankfully covered me in some beautiful warm blankets as it was freezing!  I was feeling really relaxed when Peter Willsher came by to see me and still remember the exact moment I started to drift off to sleep....

I don't remember returning to my room but I vaguely recall Ryan walking in (he later told me he arrived around 2.45pm) and squeezed my hand.  I was drifting in and out of sleep and don't really remember much for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening.  I was confined to my hospital bed for the next few days mainly due to the drip, 6 drains (uuggh!), oxygen mask and catheter.  By far the worst bit for me were the numerous 'Heparin' injections in the stomach (my poor tummy was so bruised from all of the needles) and the catheter and drains were just horrible!  I had two drains running from each side of my chest, my side and two drains from my back.  To say they were uncomfortable is an understatement.  It sounds funny but they felt like pets as they were always by my side, I had to take them with me if I ever left the bed and the tubes were like long leads!). You can see 3 of the drains on the floor in the below photo (the other 3 are on the other side of the bed!).

Three hours after surgery (still very sleepy)

It was a slow and steady recovery in hospital with small milestones achieved every couple of days.  On day three I had two drains removed, on day four the catheter was removed (after I pleaded with the nurses to ring Tony to seek his approval), on day six,  two more drains were removed and on day nine the last remaining drains were removed and I was allowed to go home - hallelujah!!  The only real set back I had in hospital was on days 6 & 7 when I had a terrible reaction to the drug Endone.  It was horrible!  When they took me off Fentanyl (which I could administer myself via the drip), I was put onto Endone which is a strong oral pain killer.  I woke up the first morning vomiting but I put that down to sitting up and getting out of bed too quickly and feeling dizzy and unwell.  I also experienced terrible headaches despite taking Panadol every 4-6 hours.  When I woke up vomiting and with a pounding headache the following day, Tony walked in and immediately called the nurses to cease the use of Endone.  I was to now start taking Tramadol instead and thankfully I didn't have a reaction to this!

The 9 days spent in hospital were long but I was very fortunate to have my family and some lovely friends come by to visit me and keep me company.  The highlight of my 9 day stay was the moment my sister arrived at the hospital to surprise me (Lizzy recently moved to Karratha).  I couldn't believe it!!!!  We had spoken every day in the lead up to my op and she messaged me on the Friday morning to see how I was and to say she would call me that afternoon.  It was only a few hours later when I heard a knock on my door and Lizzy poked her head in.  I honestly couldn't believe it and just burst into tears. It was the most fantastic surprise! We spent hours chatting, with no kids to interrupt us.  It was so nice to spend time with her and more importantly she could do my hair for me!  Ryan also did an amazing job taking care of our girls whilst I was in hospital and both sets of parents were on hand to help again, which was greatly appreciated.

Lizzy surprising me in hospital (Day 3)

The past couple of weeks at home have been nice but also a little frustrating.  There are still so many things I can't do just yet, like open the blinds in our bedrooms, unscrew the cap off some medications, hang the washing out, etc. In fact for the first couple of weeks, Tony advised that I shouldn't be lifting anything heavier than a loaf of bread.  Sounds easy enough in theory but I have found it so difficult in reality.  When you're a Mum, you have to perform some superwoman stunts sometimes!  It's even sore to cough, sneeze and laugh at the moment.  On many occasions we have had to remind the girls about hugging me gently and not jumping on my back when playing, etc.  Thankfully I was given the all clear to start driving after Easter - phew, some independence back! I start physiotherapy again in a few weeks time which will help with recovery.

I meet with Tony again this coming Friday where he will start injecting the saline fluid into the tissue expanders.  I have heard this can be quite painful but I am just hoping I am one of the lucky ones.  I have pain killers on hand to help should I need them! Thankfully I will only need them to be injected around 3 to 4 times.  

I continue to receive lots of wonderful support from all of my colleagues at Crown (both Perth and Melbourne) and am so grateful they have given me 6 - 8 weeks off work to have this surgery performed. In fact, my Director sent me a lovely message in hospital and summed it up perfectly... 'the last chapter in the book is coming to a close and soon you'll be able to return it to the library for good - it wasn't a bestseller anyway'!  I am so fortunate to work with some amazing friends and I can honestly say I love what I do :)

I can't finish off this new blog entry without mentioning the fantastic Bubbles and Boobs Afternoon High Tea fundraising event I am hosting in June with my awesome friends Lee & Damian from Chica Catering. Both Lee & Damian came to me earlier in the year saying they would love to be involved with a fundraiser (based on a bigger scale to the Ladies who Lunch event my parents held late last year).  We decided it would be an Afternoon High Tea and Lee was instrumental in securing The Sorrento Beach Shack (Hillarys Boat Harbour) as the host venue.  The event will be held on Tuesday 11th June 2013 between 2.00pm - 5.00pm and tickets are $40.00 per person.  Ticket price includes a deluxe afternoon tea (courtesy of Chica Catering), glass of champagne on arrival, gift bag and entry into the door prize.  We have already secured some amazing silent auction items, namely overnight accommodation at various Perth hotels with a couple of fantastic vouchers coming from InterContinental Sydney and Crown Metropol Melbourne!!  It is definitely going to be an amazing afternoon and I hope to see lots of family and friends there.  I will be saying a few words about my journey and my lovely hubby will be the MC on the day.  100% of the proceeds will be donated to Breast Cancer Care WA.

Now that I have had the chance to sit back and review the past couple of years, I am extremely happy with the decisions I have made.  Of course I wish my life hadn't taken this detour but I am definitely much stronger for it :)

Second chance

I'm stuck for words (a first for me!) as to how I should start this blog post.  This whole journey has sparked so many emotions, too many to list and this past week has been no exception.  In fact it has probably been one of the toughest, since receiving my diagnosis.  Much earlier in the year (and in line with the D-Care trial I am involved with), I was notified that my CT scan and Bone scan would take place on Monday 20th August.  Initially this seemed like a long time away so I didn't ponder the idea too much and just got on with enjoying life.

As the months turned into weeks and the weeks into days, I started to become more and more anxious.  The idea of having scans, triggers many emotions for me.  My last scans were performed a few days after receiving my breast cancer diagnosis (14 months ago) and I just have so many negative associations with this time.  Just the idea of walking back into the same rooms with the same noises, same smells, same doctors triggers so many difficult emotions - it really is hard to describe.   

Thankfully by the time the actual 'scan' day arrived I was able to keep my emotions in check.  I felt like I was on autopilot!  I was there to do a job and was trying to remain as positive and upbeat as possible.  Ryan spent the day with me and we enjoyed a nice lunch in the city in between scans.  I was very relieved when I arrived home that evening and was quietly hoping Wednesday would bring me the results I had been hoping for.  Unfortunately due to all of the radioactive fluid that was injected into my system for the scans, I was not able to kiss my girls, cuddle them or let them get too close to me that evening which made me sad, especially after such a big day.

The following day (Tuesday) was to be another emotional day for myself and Ryan.  Earlier the previous week, Ryan's beloved Nan passed away at the age of 89.  She was a really wonderful woman and treated me as one of her own grandchildren.  Her funeral was held yesterday and was a beautiful celebration of her amazing life.  She was a very much loved Nan and we will all miss her so much.  Not long after my diagnosis last year she gave me a beautiful little bluebird ornament that she said would bring me good luck.  It is always taken with me (in my handbag) and I will treasure it even more so now.  

This brings me back to today!  My appointment with my Oncologist was at 2.30pm and it honestly couldn't have come any quicker - I was so eager to find out the results.  She greeted us with a big smile so I assumed the news must be good.  My bone scan came back with 'no obvious aggressive bony lesions' and my CT scan showed 'no evidence of metastatic disease'.  In simple terms, this means no spread of cancer to other parts of the body.  What  a relief!!!!!!!!!!!  You honestly couldn't wipe the smile off my face.  It was the exact response I had been hoping for.  Of course there is always that sickening feeling of recurrence but I will just try to keep going and remain as positive as ever.  My Oncologist (whilst very happy with these results), reminded us that she won't say that I am 'cancer free' until I am 10 years post diagnosis with my age being a huge factor.  There is always that chance it may return down the track but I plan on proving that I will live a very happy and healthy life until I am at least 89 - following in Nan's footsteps!

Wow - this past week really has been rather crazy.  Last Friday I received a call from Genetics WA to advise that after 6 months, my gene test results had been finalised.  My result came back as 'Inconclusive' to the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene.  To tell you the truth I still don't know how I feel about this.  To give you some background the outcome is only ever positive or inconclusive (never negative).  The reason for this is that whilst I may not have the faulty BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene, I may very well have another faulty gene that has not yet been recognised, hence being inconclusive.  Whilst I am relieved I don't have either of these faulty genes, I am also a little disappointed.  I know that seems ridiculous but I suppose for me, if I had been 'positive' to one of the genes it would have been the answer as to why I was diagnosed with breast cancer and more importantly why I was diagnosed at such young age.    Now I am left with the feeling of 'why me' - not in the sense of 'poor me' but more in relation to 'what did I do differently' or 'was it something I didn't do', etc.  There will forever be a question mark.  On the positive, I am thankful that my daughters will most likely not have this gene either.

Over the past few months I have been slowly trying to clean up my act.  It is a definite work in progress but we are getting there slowly but surely.  I have been trying to eliminate all (or at least most) of the chemicals in my life - everything from products in the shower (shampoo, conditioner, soap, etc) to facial products (moisturisers, make up, toothpaste) and then onto such things as dishwashing liquid, window cleaner, etc.  The chemicals in our lives are never-ending.... it's frightening!

I continue to attend my wonderful support group and will be travelling to Sydney in October (with my pink sister, Rachel) to attend the BCNA National Conference.  Whilst it will only be a brief visit (a couple of days for the conference), I am thrilled to be able to attend and listen to some fantastic guest speakers.  The gala dinner also sounds amazing - right on Sydney Harbour!!

Ironically just days before my scans I attended an informative seminar on 'Fear of Recurrence' at St John of God Hospital, Subiaco.  I found it very helpful and picked up quite a few techniques to deal with negative thoughts and feelings.  For me, the most common thought I have, is associated with the risk of the cancer returning.  Most of the time I can deal with these feelings but I can't deny that at times the feelings can be overwhelming.  It is at these times that I see cancer as deadly, if not now, then it will happen later. 

Once again, I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for all that you have done and continue to do for me and my family.  I am so very thankful for the love and support we receive - we really do have he most amazing support crew and we love you all very much.  I know that Nan would be having a glass of champagne for me right now!

My girls are tucked in their beds fast asleep tonight and I am so thankful they are the age they are.  They have been so resilient throughout this journey and I hope they never have to endure what I have been through.  I had to laugh this afternoon when I gave Jaz a big hug and told her I had some exciting news; that there was no more cancer in Mum's body.  I then burst into tears (out of sheer relief I think!) and she responded with 'does that mean they gave your boobie back?'  I thought this was very sweet :)  The poor thing must have been so confused though as she went on to ask why I was crying if I had such exciting news.

I feel like tonight is the start of my 'new life'... my 2nd chance so to speak.  First on the agenda is planning another girls trip with my sis - I am thinking Singapore this time!!

xx

Breast Cancer - one year on....

This week marks a very big anniversary in my life - one year on from my breast cancer diagnosis.  I still remember the phone conversation I had with my doctor exactly one year ago, like it was yesterday.  The first thing she asked was if anyone was home with me and I knew then that the news wasn't going to be good.  In reflection the past 12 months has been the most challenging of my life - physically, emotionally and mentally.  In another sense, it has also been the most rewarding.  My family and friends have always been important to me but I have come to appreciate that they really are the be all and end all in life - nothing seems worthwhile without them.  I have also made some special friends through this journey that I never would have had the chance to meet otherwise and I am so grateful for this.

Isn't this so strange; I woke up yesterday morning with my stomach churning - exactly the feeling I was experiencing this time last year when I was eagerly awaiting my test results.  I also just happened to look up at the clock at 3.20pm and recall this was the time, exactly 12 months ago where I was trying to call Ryan and my family to let them know the news. It was quite strange for me to be doing this as it is the same thing I (and probably all other mothers out there) do on my girls birthdays. Look at the clock and think, been in labour for 1, 3, 5 hours now. Then obviously at the exact time one of my girls was born. Was odd to be doing the same thing but thinking of the day I was told I had breast cancer.

I see it fitting that I update everyone on my 1 year anniversary.  My last blog entry was posted in January 2012 when I had completed my final radiation appointment, this marking the end of my treatment, hopefully forever.  Thankfully it didn't take too long to recover from the radiation but it was extremely important I kept covered up from the sun during the summer months.  This may sound like a reasonably easy thing to do, but we love the beach and I found this very difficult and frustrating at times!  The skin on my chest and under my arm is looking really good now although the 'tan' I have from the radiation is still very obvious.  

Since finishing my treatment, I have been keeping myself busy both with work and socially.  I tried to work as much as I could during my treatment which was a really nice distraction and kept things as normal as possible.  However I decided earlier this year to reduce my workload from 3 days a week to 2 days a week and I will continue to do this until Baylee is full time at school.  I love what I do and am so grateful for my wonderful (and flexible) bosses and work friends - they are amazing!

The past few months has seen me research the ways of improving my immune system.  This may seem trivial to most of you but there must have been a time in my life, a trigger, where the cells in my body became cancerous and my immune system was not able to fight them off.  Many believe diet and nutrition play a huge part, along with getting adequate sleep each night, regular exercise and minimising stress. I have also been looking at all the beauty products I use, from shampoo and conditioner to toothpaste and moisturisers, and have switched nearly all of them to organic brands. Green tea has also become my new favourite drink (it has so many wonderful qualities) which is a far cry from 12 months ago when I used to enjoy a DC on the rocks (diet coke!) every now and then. I haven't touched one since receiving my diagnosis!

Unfortunately, despite my attempts to rebuild my immune system I have still picked up a number of colds and sinus infections.  Only 4 weeks ago I came down with a sinus infection which needed antibiotics to clear up (I was really trying to avoid taking antibiotics so was a little disappointed when I was prescribed them).  It was around this time that I started to experience some pain in my chest, in particular my ribs.  I just put the discomfort down to all of the coughing I was doing in conjunction with the sinus infection.  When this worsened to the point where I was wincing in pain each time I coughed, I raced straight off to the doctor.  I am sure they think I am a bloody hypochondriac but unfortunately this is now reality for me.  Anything that is not quite right needs to be checked without hesitation.  My doctor could easily locate the inflammation (7th rib to be exact!) and I was advised to continue with my antibiotics and to start taking anti-inflammatries to reduce the pain and swelling.  Should it not subside or clear up within 2 - 3 days, I was advised to contact my Oncologist to bring my scans forward.  Must admit, this frightened me but thankfully the pain disappeared and I haven't experienced any discomfort since - phew!

On the topic of scans, I am booked in to have my CT scan and Bone scan on 20th August 2012.  Whilst this is still a good couple of months away, I can't help but feel anxious about it.  It is going to be a long day and will no doubt be very draining.  Unfortunately the worse thing will be the agonising wait before I receive the results - 2 full days!

I met with my Oncologist, Arlene Chan a couple of months ago and we spoke about statistics of recurrence, among other things.  She advised that at this point in my life there is a 33% chance the cancer will return (with the odds improving each year that goes by) and she went on to say that she won't say I am cancer free for at least 10 years.  I really wish she had dropped one of the 3's and just said 3% chance!  Needless to say, it all makes it very real again.  I just have to keep thinking that there is a 66% chance it won't return and please pray and hope that this is the case. 

Well my hair is doing weird and wonderful things.  Weird because I am having to learn how to style short hair (a first!), as well as deal with a wave that has decided to grow (another first!), but wonderful because I have hair again!  My hairdresser and I experimented with a darker colour a few months ago but I really disliked it so we recently coloured it back to my usual blonde which I much prefer!

The next major step in my journey (apart from the big scans in August) is my reconstructive surgery.  As mentioned in a previous blog entry, I have decided to have my left breast removed and a double reconstruction performed.  The main reason for this is a precautionary measure to eliminate the cancer ever returning in my left breast (the odds are far greater now that I have had breast cancer in my right).  I met with a fantastic plastic surgeon, Tony Connell, who specialises in breast reconstructive surgery and I couldn't have been happier with our initial consultation.  He really gave me hope and what I mean by that is the hope to look and feel normal again. I don't want to wear a prothesis for the rest of my life! I wish I could wear beautiful bras and wear young and modern bathers again.  The reconstructive procedure is quite gruelling and is known as latissimus dorsi breast reconstruction.  In a nutshell they will move part of my back muscle and rotate it around to my chest wall (on both sides).  Once the muscle is stitched in place, Tony will insert tissue expanders which will gradually be inflated over a 3 - 4 month period (to 'stretch' the skin).  Following this, the expanders will be removed and permanent implants placed under the muscle.  I am looking at having this done next February.

I am also very mindful that in the next few weeks I could be receiving the results from the gene testing I had done earlier in the year.  I am very anxious about what the result will be but it won't affect my decision in relation to having my other breast removed.  Should the result be positive to BRAC1 or BRCA2, I will seriously consider having a hysterectomy performed as having this gene increases my chance of ovarian cancer too - bloody great!

I continue to attend my support group meetings and really enjoy seeing the girls every month.  They are all so lovely and it gives us a good opportunity to chat about all things that concern, worry and affect us and we sometimes have guest speakers come along.  It is run through Breast Cancer Care WA and they always have a councillor on hand for us should we need them.  Whilst on the topic of Breast Cancer Care WA, this coming Friday 22nd June is Purple Bra Day and it would be wonderful if you could all donate whatever you can to this wonderful cause.  Breast Cancer Care WA is a  charity that provides personalised emotional, practical and financial support and care to people affected by breast cancer.  BCCWA receives no government funding, soley relying on the generosity of the WA community in order to provide its range of services at no charge.  

Earlier in the year, my car acquired a nice new set of pink number plates!  After much deliberation I decided to purchase the plates with the full cost being donated to National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF) and I chose the numbers 611 to represent the month and year of my diagnosis.  Needless to say, it is very easy to spot my car in the car park now!

I also would like to thank all of my wonderful friends who sent cards and messages, marking the first anniversary of my diagnosis.  You have all played a part in helping me to  remain positive and giving me a reason to love life and to keep smiling.  

In finishing, I would like to share some photos from our recent trip to Bali.  We had a wonderful time with my parents, my sister Lizzy and her family, Ryan's parents and brother.  This holiday was booked after my 2nd chemo treatment so it was a trip I had been looking forward to for a very long time.  We had an amazing time and it lived up to all expectations!

 Ryan and I with Liz, Steve and Kyle at Ku De Ta (Seminyak, Bali)

Ryan and I enjoying a drink at Potato Head (Seminyak, Bali) 

My little family in the entry foyer of our beautiful hotel (InterContinental, Jimbaran Bay)

Our families enjoying Pre Dinner Drinks at Ku De Ta

New Beginnings

Everybody wants happiness.  Nobody wants pain.

But you can't have a rainbow, without a little rain.

I did it!!!  After 2 bouts of surgery, 6 rounds of chemo and 25 session of radiation, I did it!!  I am ecstatic to say that I finished all of my treatment on Thursday 12th January 2012 - another date I don't think I will ever forget.  It nearly didn't happen though.  On Monday 9th January I arrived early for my radiation appointment as I wanted to see the nurses prior to the treatment.  My skin was so badly burnt (even more so than the last photo saved on my blog) and I was very concerned about it.  The nurse on duty was lovely but was also very worried about my burns and asked me to go home and return later in the morning - once the doctor had arrived.  I arrived home to Ryan and just burst into tears.  I just couldn't believe  there maybe a chance I would have to stop the treatment when I was only 4 sessions away from the finish line.  Ryan returned with me later that morning and I saw the doctor, who after assessing the burns, was happy for me to continue as long as I was very careful over the next few days.  If it had been any longer than 4 days they definitely would have made me stop and return at a later date.  It was crucial I gave the area regular salt water soaks and used the special prescribed creams to help the area heal but more importantly, to avoid the onset of infection.  I also had to visit the nurses before and after each session for them to dress the burns.  


I can definitely say that I was one of the unlucky ones who burnt quite badly throughout this process.  I found it interesting to hear from the nurses that it is impossible for them to pick exactly who will burn and who won't.  The radiographers were saying that they may have a dark skinned lady burn quite badly one day and the next day a very fair lady who doesn't burn at all! 


I really can't tell you how I felt walking out for the last time - there were so many mixed emotions..... sore, relief, happiness, sadness, etc.  Ryan asked me how I would like to celebrate the end of my treatment and all I really wanted to do was to go down to the beach and enjoy some Moet and this is exactly what we did!  Our wonderful families joined us and it was perfect.


We continued the celebrations by heading down to Busselton for a little camping holiday a couple of days after my last radiation treatment.  We really enjoy camping and we had a fantastic time!  Some lovely friends joined us and Ryan's parents came down for a night also.    The weather was amazing, in fact the first couple of days were really hot so I had to be super careful my burns weren't exposed to the sun in any way.


We arrived home from camping just in time to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary!  My lovely sister Lizzy came over and looked after our girls whilst we enjoyed an amazing 6 course degustation menu at Fraser's in Kings Park.  It was absolutely fantastic and I highly recommend it!  It was a lovely way to celebrate a year that was definitely one of our hardest and one we will never forget.  I can't thank Ryan enough for absolutely everything he does for me and our girls - he is wonderful!


On Thursday 19th January, I had my 'follow up' consultation with my surgeon, Dr Willsher.  We spoke about my Chemo treatment and radiation and he checked my mastectomy scar and burns.  We then spoke about reconstructive surgery and my decision to have my other breast removed at the time of this surgery.  I really want to try and take the element of risk  away and my surgeon is happy with my decision and supports me all the way (especially due to my age).  I hope to have this done in late July / early August 2012.  I want to give my body a really good rest from all of my treatment before I head back into hospital for more surgery.  It is quite a major operation and I will be in hospital for at least 10 days and will take approx 6 weeks to recover - something I am really not looking forward to.  


Now that all of my treatment is finished, the question I am asked on a regular basis is 'where to from here'?  Unfortunately I won't know if all of my treatment has worked until June 2012.  Exactly 12 months after my diagnosis and 6 months after my treatment, I will need to go and have all of my scans done again.  No doubt this is going to be a tough day and I just hope I am drinking a glass of champagne at the end of it!


Once again I am extremely grateful for everyone's wonderful support and I must thank Hayles & Neil, Lizzy & Stevie and Trace & Darren for the lovely flowers and for Dee & Heath for the beautiful gift box I received on celebrating the end of my treatment. I feel very special - thank you!  


It is a strange and sometimes frightening feeling not having any current treatment.  I am sure some people may think that because I am out of the stages of having treatment, I am fine.  I'm not sure how I feel about this as I'm sure I will still have some sad days now and then.  My support group often speaks about feelings especially when treatment is over.  Treatment is kind of like a safety net - surely nothing can happen to us when on treatment?!


I really want to close this post with a status a friend recently wrote on Facebook (thanks Alsy!) - it perfectly sums up how I feel.


I am a very lucky girl that can quite proudly say if you measure my wealth by how many amazing friendships I have, then I would be a billionaire ten times over!

Ryan and I toasting the end of my 

treatment and new beginnings

Ryan and I celebrating 9 very happy years

Ryan and I at Tami's 30th Birthday 

(wish I had some eyelashes!)

My inspiration - my gorgeous little family at 

Jaz's surf life saving (Scarboro SLS nippers!)

Burnt to a crisp

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your family and friends and I hope 2012 brings you lots of love, fun and happiness but more importantly I hope it brings you all excellent health!

I was very happy to see 2011 come to an end - in fact, it couldn't come quick enough.  I never in my wildest dreams thought it would turn out the way it did and it certainly did turn my life upside down and inside out!  

Unfortunately my treatment didn't finish in 2011 which is a shame.  It will finish on Thursday 12th January 2012 at 8.15am!  My treatment card was finalised today (showing my very last radiation time) and noted underneath was 'finished - well done!'  Unfortunately though, radiation hasn't been a walk in the park like I thought it might have been (compared to Chemo anyway).  The first few weeks were fine and I thought I might breeze through the treatment but I am doing it tough now.  The burns are horrendous and with 21 sessions complete, part of my skin is like charcoal.  My poor burnt skin is now peeling back to show raw pink skin and it makes me sick to think that tomorrow they will have to perform the 22nd radiation treatment on my raw pink skin.  To say this is going to hurt is going to be an understatement.  I have been doing everything as instructed, following all of the do's and don'ts, so I have just been one of the unlucky ones.  The pain has also been affecting my sleep as I can't roll over on my right side - it is too painful.  I just can't wait for it to all be over.  Bring on Thursday!!!!  Although I am burnt, sore and tired, I will miss my radiographers.  They are all so lovely and made me as comfortable as possible throughout my treatment, however I really hope I never have to see them again - in a medical environment anyway!  WARNING - I have attached a photo of my burns below.


Some good news to come out of my radiation treatment is that I haven't developed Lymphodema which was a big worry for me as I had quite a few problems with my arm during Chemo.  In fact, it seems that radiation has helped with the cording and at the moment you can't see (and I can't feel) any cording in my arm.  It feels great and I haven't had to wear my pressure glove every day.  I will still be having a check up with my Physio just after radiation is finished, but I am feeling good. 

Just prior to Christmas, Ryan commenced 5 weeks of annual leave.  It has been so fantastic having him home with us especially over the Christmas and New Year break.  He primarily took the time off so he could help with the girls whilst I have radiation each day but we have made sure we have been spending lots of quality time together down at the beach, going to the movies, catching up with friends and we have a camping holiday booked for next weekend down in Busselton which we are really looking forward to!


It has now been close to 4 weeks since I started taking Tamoxifen (the drug I need to take every day for the next 5 years) and it seems I have picked up a couple of side effects.  These being; a cough, dizziness and light headedness - lucky me!  Thankfully they aren't affecting my day to day activities but I will need to bring these up with my Surgeon and Oncologist in the coming weeks.


I am very happy to broadcast that my hair has started to grow back - hallelujah!  It would be close to 0.5cm long now, although very thin and whispy, so I will be wearing my scarves and hats for quite some time yet.  I keep telling Ryan the best way to stimulate the hair follicles is with regular head massages but he isn't buying it!  How ironic is this though ...... the day my hair started to grow back, my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out :(  Can you believe it!  I honestly thought I was going to be lucky and not lose them especially as it has been nearly 2 months since my last Chemo session.  Needless to say, not feeling very attractive at the moment!


Well, I best sign off for now and put the bottle of Moet in the fridge to chill for Thursday!

 Christmas Day - 2011

Jasmine and Baylee - 

opening presents on Christmas morning 2011 

Some of my very painful burns - 

after 21 radiotherapy treatments

All I want for Christmas

I can hardly believe it will be six months tomorrow since receiving my diagnosis.  Surreal would be the best way to describe the events that have taken place since receiving that dreaded phone call back on 16th June 2011.  It has also been a huge emotional rollercoaster ride for me and my family but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel now.  Hallelujah!


I am absolutely thrilled that I made it through Chemo - especially considering I didn't think I would survive the first cycle!  My next phase of treatment is radiation therapy which is a localised form of treatment using high energy radiation to kill cancer cells.  I have to complete 25 sessions (5 days a week for 5 weeks) at the Perth Radiation Oncology clinic in Wembley.  All the radiographers are lovely and very friendly so it is nice to see a smiling face when I arrive, although I wish my appointments were the same time every day!  Unfortunately the waiting room often gets me thinking 'why me' with nearly all other patients in their 60's or 70's.  Of course I wish none of them were going through this either but I must admit they all stare when I arrive and are probably trying to guess my age as they wait for their name to be called.  There are many do's and dont's I have to follow during this treatment such as; no deodorant, no perfume, no sunscreen, no direct contact with the sun and I must moisturise the treated area (chest and upper arm where lymph nodes were removed) daily with lots of sorbolene cream.  So far I have had 8 treatments with another 17 to go (but who's counting!) with Thursday 12th January 2012 marked as a day to celebrate - the end of all of my treatment!  All is going well with radiation although I have noticed the area has become a little red with a couple of very small blisters which is a worry as I was told I shouldn't see any burning (as such) until week 3.  In addition, I have been told that I will start to feel tired and fatigued around this time.  Fingers crossed the burning doesn't get any worse and I will be one of the lucky ones who breezes through radiation with minimal side effects - here's hoping!


Unfortunately I am still experiencing some pain and swelling in my arm from the two lots of surgery I had in June and July.  Thankfully I haven't developed Lymphodema although I have had a few scares in the past few weeks. It is mainly the cording that is giving me grief. Cording is a tight and sometimes painful band of tissue (like a cord - hence the name!) running down the arm towards the hand. It occurs as a result of lymph glands and channels being removed from the axilla region (under the arm). To assist with the swelling and potential onset of Lymphodema I now have to wear a pressure glove on my right hand every day until my treatment is finished. It is not the greatest look but I know it is important I continue to wear it.


We have been quite busy in the lead up to Christmas with lots of social events and I am very happy I have been feeling well to enjoy this time.  Last Saturday night we enjoyed a nice meal with a few friends at Zephyr in North Beach (it was delicious!), on Sunday we celebrated with my work friends at the Raffles (need I say more!) and on Monday I attended my support group lunch at The Boulevard Hotel in Floreat.... what a busy few days it was!  It was lovely to see everyone and to meet some new girls. We had a great time and I had the opportunity to present the Organic Home 'Think Pink for Emma' candle cheque to Cathie and Karina from Breast Cancer Care WA. We had a photo taken which I have included below.


Last week Ryan and I (and my Mum) attended Jasmine's Pre-Primary Christmas Concert. It was so fantastic to see all the kids dressed up. The last time Jaz had a concert, I was in hospital so I was very happy I was able to be there and support her. These events are so special and I was so proud seeing Jaz dancing and singing along with all of her friends.


I had my final Chemo follow up yesterday with my Oncologist and I must admit it was nice to get in my car afterwards and return home rather than head to the cocktail lounge for a few hours!  Arlene gave me my blood test results that I had done the day prior and she confirmed that I am now in menopause (a Chemo side effect) although this will most likely be temporary due to my age - only time will tell.  She also went on to say that my liver and kidneys are functioning well and that my white blood cell count is nearly normal which is great although she did mention that I am low in iron and need to watch this especially during radiation.  I will continue to see her every 3 months for the next 5 years which is both overwhelming and reassuring at the same time.  As my cancer is estrogen and progesterone positive I have now been prescribed the drug Tamoxifen which is a tablet that I will need to take every day for the next 5 years.  Tamoxifen is anti-estrogen therapy and works by blocking the hormone receptors so they can't signal cancer cells to grow and lets hope it does its job!


So back to the blog title - all I want for Christmas....


I know what you are all thinking and yes nothing would make me happier than starting to see my HAIR grow back!!! Well I have to report that if I look very closely I can see very fine baby hair starting to show although to everyone else I still look bald!  But more importantly, I wish someone could guarantee me that this cancer was just a one off 'out of the blue' illness that will never ever return. I would be happy to give up everything I own to receive this guarantee but sadly I know this is not possible :(  I will just need to remain positive and hope that someday soon a cure will be found.


I will end this post with a lovely email my friend Renee sent me at work - I really liked it and hope you do too :)

“Live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back”

Julie and Allison from Organic Home presenting the cheques from the 

'Think Pink for Emma' candle promotion

Em presenting the big cheque to Cathie Smith from Breast Cancer Care WA

at the Christmas Luncheon 

Our Jaz at her Christmas concert

Au revoir Chemo....... forever!

'Strength'

What lies behind us and what lies before us are just tiny matters compared 

to what lies within us

What a momentous few weeks it has been!  I am over the moon to report that I completed my very last Chemotherapy treatment on Wednesday 16th November at The Mount Hospital.  Chemotherapy was by far the worst experience I have had to endure in my life, so I  am sure you can imagine the relief of reaching this milestone.  Unfortunately, similar to my last round of Chemo I am taking longer to recover from the treatment (which I have been told is normal due to the accumulative effect it has on the body) with a few side effects still hanging around a week later.  Hopefully these will go prior to starting Radiation therapy in a couple of weeks time, but in the meantime, it is time to celebrate!


A few weeks prior to my last Chemo session I shed a few tears to Ryan about my appearance.  I was feeling a bit down and out - having one breast is one thing, putting on a few kgs is another, but having no hair takes the cake!  How can anyone find me attractive when I struggle with the way I look and feel.  Of course he said all the right things and made me feel a whole lot better.  Little did I know that in just a matter of days he was about to surprise me with a wonderful day out with my work girlfriends.  He had been planning (for a couple of months!) a shopping spree in the city which involved booking a personal stylist in Myer for a few hours and lunch with the girls afterwards.  He gave me $1,000 spending money and told me not to bring home any change! I still don't know how he coerced me into the city on a Saturday morning (when we should have been at Challenge Stadium for the girls swimming lessons!) to pull off the surprise.  I was completely blown away.... in fact when I first saw all the girls waiting at the cafe, I thought they had all gone out for morning tea and I wasn't invited - awkward!! ha ha.  We all had a great time and it was just what I needed!  


My second big surprise came just over a week later.  I was up in the Chemo ward with Ryan and Dad and we were chatting away.  My Mum, Lizzy and my little niece Jess arrived not long afterwards which was a nice surprise as I thought Lizzy was working that day.  They brought balloons, cakes, muffins and biscuits and we shared them with the other patients, to celebrate my last chemo treatment.  We were having a nice time when all of a sudden it got a whole lot better....... in walked the one and only MARK LECRAS (AFL player for West Coast Eagles)!!!!!!!!!!!  For those that don't already know, I would have to be Mark's biggest fan - not only is he extremely good looking, he is a great player and, as I got to find out in person, a really nice guy.  What is there not to like!  I didn't click at first and thought oh wow that is so nice of him to visit the Chemo ward (apparently a few of them make surprise visits throughout the year) but when I saw Liz motioning to him to come over, I realised he was here to see ME!!!!!!  He gave me a signed West Coast Eagles jumper ("Dear Emma, Best Wishes! Mark LeCras"), stayed and chatted for about 45 minutes and had numerous photos with us.  It was the most fantastic surprise and I have to make special mention of my friends Vicki and Darren Cobby who kindly arranged this for me all the way from Broome.  I can't thank you both enough!!  


I also have to mention of a special friend at this time who has come into my life through this crazy journey.  My friend Jenny who was diagnosed with breast cancer whilst 23 weeks pregnant, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Tatum Lee last week (one month early) - what an amazing and inspiring woman!  She has a wonderful husband and 2 gorgeous boys and little Tatum is one very special little girl like her Mummy.  Jenny's story is very similar to mine and whilst it makes me sad we are both having to face the same challenges I am so happy she has come into my life - a definite positive to come out of this experience.


I am still deeply touched by the kindness of family, friends, even strangers!  Yesterday was another example - a beautiful friend in Melbourne sent over a gift boxed bottle of rose Moet to celebrate my end of Chemo treatment.  It was such a lovely surprise and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face all afternoon!  So very lucky to have such wonderful caring family and friends in my life.     


On another note, I have been blown away with the response I have received about my blog.  I have just clicked over 10,500 hits in a matter of months which is beyond my wildest expectations!  I initially wrote my blog to keep family and friends up to date with my treatment / progress and to express my feelings on paper (so to speak).  I now see it as an avenue to create awareness, give hope and offer advice to those who are also battling this disease or has someone close to them fighting it.  If I can help just one other person, then I have served the main purpose of this blog.  I want everyone to realise that cancer can leave us with physical scars and temporarily take our hair away but we should never allow it to take our spirit or positive energy as they have the power to overcome anything.  


Battling cancer is something that no individual would ever want to nor should experience, and although this has been the most physically, emotionally & mentally challenging time of my life, I am so very grateful for everyone's love and support.   I still have the occasional cry, but mostly my days are good.  


So as I sign off from this blog I am reminded of a young lady sitting next to me in the Chemo ward last week with her sister.  After enjoying one of the cupcakes my family handed around, she kindly asked 'is this your last session today?'  I said 'yes' and as a matter of courtesy I asked her how far into her treatment she was.  She proceeded to tell me that she had been battling cancer for 6 years and unfortunately it was now throughout her entire body so this (Chemo) is something she just does each week to buy more time.  She is only 39 years of age.  

'Lets appreciate LIFE.  Lets show more heart and compassion to one another because 
there is always someone, somewhere, fighting a harder battle and there is no price 
on simple human kindness'.

Anonymous

Being surprised by my work girlfriends!

Ha ha - trying on the many gorgeous dresses with my beautiful friends Renee and Brooke

(a big thanks also to Ton, Lorn, Hayles and Nic for joining me on the day)

My very last Chemo - Round 6!

Last Chemo - Em and Mark LeCras